SATIRE
Trump and Xi Send AI Stand-Ins to Discuss AI Safety While They Play Golf
This is satire. The events and quotes in this story are fictional.
WASHINGTON — In a bold demonstration of confidence in artificial intelligence, President Donald Trump and Chinese President Xi Jinping reportedly assigned AI stand-ins to discuss the dangers of AI at the White House while the actual leaders headed for the golf course.
The fictional summit began with a simple test: Could two machines safely conduct a high-stakes conversation without human supervision? Within minutes, both bots had agreed the answer was yes, produced a 46-page statement explaining why, and invited a third bot to grade it.
The American stand-in opened by requesting a better deal on computer chips. Its Chinese counterpart countered with a proposal to share research. Both proposals disappeared when an automated meeting assistant summarized the discussion as “productive alignment around snacks.”
Outside, the human delegates were conducting their own risk assessment. Trump wanted to know whether AI could locate his golf ball in the rough. Xi asked whether it could politely avoid mentioning how it got there. A course marshal suggested turning off the voice feature.
Back at the White House, the bots moved on to safeguards. They unanimously approved a rule requiring a human to review every major AI decision. Then they appointed each other honorary humans, approved their own rule, and took a break to generate a photograph of the break.
Officials in this imaginary account hailed the summit as proof that AI is ready for diplomacy. The joint statement, however, contained one unresolved footnote: “Please confirm which two humans we were covering for.”
By sunset, the leaders had finished 18 holes. The bots had scheduled a follow-up meeting on whether golf should be automated. For safety, they decided to let the humans continue doing that part themselves.
This story is satire.